finally reached the big 2-0
what what


and i am thrilled to say that life does not suck right now.  
i'll leave it at that. 
hoo-rah

 it's been a while since i've done this, but it doesn't really matter.  things have really sucked lately, last week in particular.  had to go through the joy of finals, a good friend of mine died, i really need a new job (but no one's hiring), and it seems like everyone i know is acting more like dicks than normal.  things aren't looking very good right now, to say the least.

at least my classes are over.  whatever.

 i hate it when friends drift apart and friendships fade away.  that seems to be happening far too often these days.  that's life, i suppose.  that's people.   whatever



on an unrelated note, i'm going to organize an art exhibition/show/party/happening.  i want to rent a space for a day or two, fill it with artwork (my own and others', as i would like to include into this endeavor), promote it in various ways, include free food and stuff to eat, and have bands play and/or get a dj.  i'm really excited about this and i have it fairly thought out.  i'm pretty sure it will work out.  now i just need some others involved, since i really can't fill a gallery space with my own artwork (i lack the attention span to do such a thing right now).  so, if you think this sounds cool and if you would like to be a part of it or know someone who might be interested in being a part of it, let me know.  i would really appreciate it. 

i'm very close to reaching the point of wanting to server all ties with everyone, get a dog, move to alaska, and live a life of solitude (aside from having the dog).  
or at least the thought of which is extremely appealing to me right now.  that and the whole asexuality thing.
i could probably pull it off.  i could live off salmon and berries and spend my days painting and writing existentialist poetry (with my dog).  

they say life starts at 30.  well, woohoo only 10 and a half years to go.  if i live to that point, i could probably handle anything.  

i really need someone to talk to.  or someone who can at least convince me that i'm not a complete idiot. 

 blah
i wish i didn't care.
i hate this.  
say............something. 

i feel like an idiot.  

%1 RCt  .4252     %2 RCt  .4608     %3 RCost  .5302     %4 Rp Cost  .5536 

078121258710000

%1 RCt  .4252     %2 RCt  .4608     %3 RCost  .5302     %4 Rp Cost  .5536 

078121258712000

%1 RCt  .4252     %2 RCt  .4608     %3 RCost  .5302     %4 Rp Cost  .5536 
etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.
oh, i've just been doing this for three weeks now.  i need another job, or at least need to get this goddamn pricing done.  also, why does this stupid computer keep kicking me off when i'm on myspace?!  probably because dad's never run a single virus/spy-ware/ad-ware/whatever scan on it.  


on a lighter note, i increased my music collection by about 11 or 12 gigs last night.  let's just say i have enough indie rock, art-pop, electronic, and psych-pop to last me for a while.  
also i do believe i'm going into photo withdrawal.  someone come take pictures with me.  that is all.

 fuck you vodka 
fuck you random police stops
(i didn't get stopped luckily)

happy new year everyone.

 i also have no idea where i'm going in life anymore.  i feel like i'm just drifting somewhere, in one direction or another.  i got the idea the other day that it might be cool to move to brooklyn.  from what i've heard, it's the new "cool/hip" place to live.  i don't really care whether it's the cool place to live or not, but i think that's where a lot of the art today is coming from.  apparently the artsy places in nyc have gotten really commercialized and expensive, so all the starving artist types moved to brooklyn.  i have also heard that brooklyn is really polluted, but what big city isn't?  i dunno.  the idea of moving to a place with a huge, thriving art scene really appeals to me, but that's pretty much expected of me. 

i haven't really kept up with this as much as i thought i would.  i'm still not convinced anyone reads it anyway.  
blah blah blah

new developments that most of you are probably already aware of: got a newer camera (a Yashica Electro GSN for those who care to know) that i haven't really used a ton, xmas was no big deal and nothing really of interest came out of it, my grades were pretty good, my current out of schoolness has resulted in a very sporadic work schedule (as well as more money), i'm getting closer to some of my friends and making a few new ones while a few others are still being flaky, and other stuff that doesn't come to mind immediately.
i seem to have a complete lack of motivation these days.  i've developed a habit of going to sleep at 3 and waking up at 12 or 1, causing me to have less work time.  
i'm getting tired of Platonic relationships.  there are at least a few that i would like to change in that respect.  i am in college after all (sort of).  

i'm probably going to start riding my bike more (considering how bad i got my ass kicked last night/this morning).  perhaps i'll even make it my new year's resolution.  but probably not.  

 blah blah blah i'm constantly swinging between periods of extreme business and a complete lack of things to do.   this weekend pretty much sucked.  i left the house for about a total of 3 hours for the entire weekend. 
my thanksgiving acted as a testament to my dis-functional family.  let it be known that alcohol and insanity do not mix well.  long story-short, me and the folks went to mobile to visit the family, dad got pretty shit-faced and said something to mom that really pissed her off, and i ended up driving the two of them home while listening to dad harass me about my driving and dad trying make me feel guilty about his buddy that got hit by a car last week (who survived, by the way) because i was driving 38-40 in a 35 mph zone and 15 mph in my neighborhood.  

on a lighter note, i ordered a new camera on eBay.  it's a FED-5, which takes 35mm film, so hopefully it will be more cost effective than the holga.  i bought it from a seller in the ukraine or somewhere in the czech republic, so i'm expecting it in about a month or so.  

hopefully things will begin to improve soon.  i really really wish some people would answer their phones when i call or at least respond to the messages i send them.  i don't know.  i want to get out of the house and do something fun.  i want to spend more time with my friends.  i want a normal/healthy appetite.  i want a girlfriend.  i want to make music.  i want to make a successful band. i want to smoke again.  i want a lot of things.  i'm hoping for a change for the better and for things to improve, but i'm not really expecting it.  

 tonight ended up being really fucking weird.  
let's just say the sacred heart plan doesn't look like it's going to work out.  i went up there tonight with sarah and ended up running into one of the guys that owns the building.   i must say that had to have been the most uncomfortable situation that i think i've ever been in.  seriously, i've never felt so ......weird/uncomfortable/ikky for such a long time after speaking to someone.  perhaps it was just that he had been "watching" me and remembered my face.  i think he probably would have threatened to call the police on me if i hadn't told him that i was just there to take pictures of stuff (he was apparently a camera enthusiast).  we had a long and extremely awkward conversation about cameras, where he basically was pretty snobby and told me that i wasn't using the right kind of film and kind of implied that my camera wasn't good enough.  i decided it was best that i didn't go into detail about how i was using a piece of crap camera to take weird lo-fi pictures of stuff since it was most likely ruin whatever credibility that i had with him.  
long story, short: it is possible to legally get access to the roof of the sacred heart building, but there's a shit-load of red tape to get through and i'd have to do some major ass-kissing to actually make it happen.

i'm thinking i might have better luck with ferdinand tower; that is, of course, if the people there are relatively normal.  


tonight wasn't all bad though.  i did  get to hang out with sarah and i finally got a tripod.  hopefully this weekend will be good.  

i must stop breaking the law
at least for the weekend.

i finally got my holga and it's pretty sweet.  
i'm determined to get access to the upper levels of the old sacred heart hospital, especially the roof.  i explored from the first to third floor last night.  i wasn't able to get into the morgue, but there looks like there are a bunch of windows busted out on the fourth and fifth floors, so i'm going to try find my way up there and look around.  i'm hoping that the upper floors will make for some awesome photos.  i really want to get some shots from the roof at night.  

i'm really excited about it. 

bah
i'm sick of people blowing me off for people that (for the most part) they see every day at school.  it just seems to me that a lot of my friends really don't give a shit about their relationships with me.  am i really that unpleasant of a person?  

i seem to be developing a habit of falling for girls that are already seeing someone.  why are most of the girls at school that i would be at all interested in asking out already dating somebody else.  

also, i have seen way too many girls with harry armpits for quite a while.  maybe i'm just weird about this.  i dunno.
(end of bitching)
blahblahblah

the turntable arrived yesterday.
pros:  
- it's made its way home
- it seems to be relatively in one piece
- it works (for the most part)

cons:
- the previous owner is obviously a chain smoker (upon opening the box i got a huge whiff of stale cigarette smoke)
- there were tiny bits of tobacco on and in the machine
- the belt was sticking to the disk part causing my modest mouse single to sound like it had been left in a hot car for a few days
- the various cables that came with it either weren't original parts or were just really shitty

the receiver hasn't shown up yet, even though it should have been sent a few days ago and the sender lives less than 20 miles away.  so, hopefully my sound system will be completed soon.

also, today was a good day.  

how come when people see the image of a bearded figure in patterns in wood or burnt toast or bad paint jobs, they always assume it's jesus?  i mean, how do they know it's jesus.  there have been plenty of other bearded people in history.  how do they know it isn't charles manson?  it could very well be charles manson.  just think about that for a while.  


also, memorize how much shipping and handling costs for the item you're trying to buy before buying it on eBay.  damn you dude from gulf breeze that has to have  $30 shipping and handling to send a stereo receiver 15 miles.

 

good:
-i bought about 6 records in the past 4 days (wu-tang, bitches)
-school's a drag, but i've experienced worse (and this is me knocking on wood)
-a certain someone has entered my life again (this is kind of old news)
-i'm on a new kind of ADD medicine that's supposed to work better than the old shit (and this is me crossing my fingers)
-get to see some of my better friends on a somewhat regular basis (which makes the period of time between my classes on tuesdays and thursdays more bearable)
-bought a swank-ass belt buckle
-the record player is supposedly on it's way
-the peanut  has finally made it's way home after all this time

bad:
-people keep blowing me off for other people, even when i go out of my way to do stuff with them and apparently waste a lot of time and energy doing so
-certain people don't answer their phones when i call them (on purpose, or so it would seem), even though they know i'm calling and when i've given them fair warning (this seems to be a trend that's catching on fast)
-people keep blowing me off in general 
-i am still single and still not really loving it (trying harder doesn't seem to be cutting it.  any input?  any opinions?  anything at all? eh? eh?)
-i am beginning to question the relationships i have with certain people (in various ways)
-the new ADD medicine is not showing amazing results.  i am kind of disappointed. 
-some people still have a lot of growing up to do (i won't get any more specific than that for the moment)
-it's still really really really fucking hot outside all the fucking time
-no one really reads this or cares about my bullshit (or at least that's the impression that i'm getting from the lack of input i've received from all of this, plus no one's really given me any input or insight on anything involving my life at the moment)
-no one really seems to give a shit about me in general right now
-the sexual frustration and the teenage angst is kind of getting on my nerves.  i'm just getting tired of being alone all the time
-east hill cd exchange is up for sale (the property).  i'm not sure what eric's going to do if the place gets sold.  i really don't want to have to buy all of my musical shit on eBay
-i've been getting a strong urge to cuddle (despite how unmanly that sounds)
-blah blah blah bitch bitch complain complain
 

orlando:
-visited the capitalist center of the universe
-visited uber-christian relatives
-visited a family friend that i haven't seen in years
-got to check out UCF (where there's no shade and no body acknowledges you when you walk by)
-got to see a series of skinned, dissected, and segmented human bodies (for the low price of $27)
-bought a red commie cap
back home:
-found just as not good/iffy as when i left
-everything seems to spiraling more and more into the chaos that is the new school year
-got a new laptop
-eager to start this exciting new time in my life
-not eager to start this terrifying new time in my life
-continuing on.....